Well I finally made it. One year. Still so far away. But I’ve made it this far. I have a whole lot to write about so buckle up.
First things first. I’ll talk about how my Saturday night went. I’d tell you every detail but sadly I don’t even remember anything. Blacked out. Had the bright idea of playing Edward 40 hands and once I finished it wasn’t long after when I blacked out. We played it with Taylor and his roommates. Me and Taylor hooked up. Now normally I’d see this as a victory but… I just embarrassed my self as usual. Threw up in his room. Sound familiar? That’s not even the worst part. Of course I know I’m not completely over Nick but lately I’ve been feeling a lot better about the whole situation and that I’ll actually be okay.. Nope. Got hammered and told Maria that I was still in love with him. Kept saying it. Drunk words are sober thoughts I guess. I wished they weren’t cause that was the worst feeling waking up the next day and hearing about how I subconsciously was still mentioning and thinking about Nick. Good that I didn’t do anything stupid like send him nude photos….. The only good thing that really came out of Saturday night was the satisfaction that I will receive when I tell Steven, if I ever tell Steven, that I fucked Taylor. Just to piss him off. That most likely won’t happen but the satisfaction would be so sweet.
Okay next I’d like to talk about school. I’ve been getting really serious into lately. And I’m excited yet scared. There’s so much I have to do to prepare for it. I’m just really anxious for what this next year has in store for me. BRING IT ON. Like for real, I just want it to be January already. I’m still taking things day by day, but I want something different. Everything thing is always the same. Work, come home, get drunk on Saturdays, deal with the drama on Sundays. Victoria has kind of been pissing me off about her drama recently too. She made out with bearded friend and keeps asking me what she should do. Well there is only one thing that you can do. Ignore. and I’m not trying to be a bad friend like I don’t care or anything but it’s like thats all she’s been talking about, how embarrassed she is. I’m embarrassed too and I feel like I can never talk to Taylor again but I don’t keep talking about it. Anyways I’m getting off Topic. The main point is that I’m just ready. I didn’t think I’d ever want to go back to school again but somehow I just changed. One day I woke up and was like something has to change. And what makes a person want to change is themselves. You just wake up one day and realize I guess.
Okay, next I’d like to talk about Beau vs. Taylor. I call this the love life intervention. Victoria is Team Beau and Maria is Team Taylor. I find Taylor very attractive but very awkward. I find Beau so badass and able to talk to easily but not very attractive. Of course I’m leaning more towards Beau because looks aren’t always the most important thing. But I’m doing it again. I’m doing what I did with Sam. Putting him in the friend zone because I won’t push my pride aside or because I’m not over the douche I liked before hand, in this scenario Nick. It really sucks. I guess I can’t keep looking for a relationship and just let it happen, but then I’m like sometimes you have to make it happen. I’m just really confused at this point. I’m supposed to hang out with Beau tomorrow so I’m sure you’ll hear about that event soon enough. In the mean time I’m just going to keep doing me. I want to date someone because I think that I need to be with someone to be happy when in reality I don’t. I’m just trying to prove I’m over Nick or something.
Lastly, Main Event. I’m still in the process of trying to get my job back like I have been for that past 3 months. Tomorrow for sure I’m going up there and talking to Rick. Because Jason is finally gone and I’m going to be straight forward with Rick. I’m trying to save up for school. Get this dwi shit out of the way. With two jobs maybe I can get ahead on some payments and not have as much to worry about. I’ll be super busy of course but it will be worth it and I’m willing to work my ass off for a second chance.
Man I had a lot to write about. Just in a weird mood tonight. Like I’m not even sure what kind of mood I’m in but it sucks. I just want so many things right now and nothing is happening. Sure this is the best my life has been in months and I can actually say that I am very happy but there’s just something missing. Some things lack ya know?
I’ll let you know what it is when I figure it out.