I keep looking at the photos on my wall an realize the people and my life are not the same as they were a year ago.
A year ago I was barely being put on probation and now I have my breathalyzer off with only 6 months of probation left.
A year ago I was in love with Nick hoping for a chance to be with him, and now him and Casey have almost been together for a year.
A year ago I met Sidney and now we’re not even friends.
A year ago I was jobless, now I have two jobs.
A year ago I had no intentions of going back to school, now I’m attending Tech in the fall.
So much uncertainty in life. You never really know whats going to happen. I’m missing my old life and friends more than ever lately. Sidney and I got into a huge argument and she said that she’s happier the way that things are now and that she’s better off not being my friend. All because of New years and when I had sex with Ariel. Again, I make the same mistakes. I can’t learn.
It just sucks because Smith came into town and Victoria and I went over to Nicks new house, yes I know where he lives now and thats not a good thing, and it was good too see everybody but it felt different. I knew I wasn’t wanted there I just was there to see and hang out with Smith. It’s mostly Casey and Sidney that don’t want me around. I can understand that. I guess I can’t be trusted around other girls men. But the funny thing is Nick was the one who said it was fine for me to come over. Which made me feel a little better. Like maybe we’re passed this. I mean of course I didn’t speak to either of them. Sidney I said hi to, but I could tell she was being fake. I at least respect Casey because she has the decency to not pretend that she doesn’t hate me.
THINGS ARE JUST SO DIFFERENT.
is it weird that sometimes I still feel like there’s a chance, maybe 5, 10, 15 years down the road Nick and I might end up together? It would be amazing if go back and read this and I’m right. That would be so satisfying. Why am I still not over him? Like why? It’s irritating how much I care about him and that group of people. Sidney and Ariel are both dickheads yet I still seek their approval. I have so much more to my life that makes it great than that group of friends. Of course I miss them and those were some of the most fun times of my life, but I can’t keep dwelling on that or I can’t form new memories with new friends. I’ve got to figure out how to get over this.
NICK WOOD. I HATE YOU.
(just kidding still kinda sorta in love with you or something)
I don’t even know what I’m writing about. I always have too many thoughts jumbled and I can’t organize them into a post that actually makes sense. Thanks for always bearing with me and helping me understand my feelings and trying to straighten my thought process out a little.
you’re the best.